watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
