Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
