bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
