I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
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