So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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