i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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