You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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