Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
