I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
