I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
