cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dicks are not precious.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
