ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
