I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
