Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
