two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
