I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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