i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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