i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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