Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
