I am spending my child support on dildos
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she smelled like a LAN party
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
