Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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