how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
