dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
