Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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