It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
