Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
