Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
