Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
