Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
