When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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