I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
