Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
wanna go halves on a baby?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
