no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
