May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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