If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Be still, my beating vagina.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
