stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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