I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
