is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
