Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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