My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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