"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
