Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
