my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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