I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My dick has a subreddit
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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