So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
