when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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