i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
