on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
