I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
