i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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