you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
