I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
