Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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